Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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