whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
