well you can't waste a boner
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
