Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
