chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
