I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
