do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize