Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize