Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The power of my boobs compel you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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