also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
