you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
