i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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