i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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