last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
