the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't turn off my feet"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
