cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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