I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize