i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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