she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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