Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
