I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
