i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
