Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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