Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
