Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize