i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
