Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
