The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
