You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
