just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
