fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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