She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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