You're earring is so big in my mouth
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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