it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
