Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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