awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
