We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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