We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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