I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
