I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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