I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
