Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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