I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want her autograph on my taint
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
