i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
