Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize