there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize