i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
