omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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