just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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