if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize