i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
