Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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