M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
