is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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