You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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