in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
