You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
