i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize