Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
