Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
