walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You left your phone here
Wait...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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