You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
