He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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