so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
