My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
