I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
