I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
