I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
