You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
